I have had the pleasure to present a poem of mine on my first ever open mic event in Sutton. It was a fantastic, inclusive event and every reading was supporting the work of Sutton Women’s Centre. Looking forward to be doing same performances in London in the near future.
In the spring of 2012, a young woman in her twenties was sitting on a plane the first time in her life travelling abroad. Most people would have been very nervous in her shoes considering that she has never flown before, but in fact, her mind was fully occupied by the excitement of discovering the world’s rich existence through experiencing a brand new culture. Artistic self expression was her main talent and this long awaited adventure was really needed to stimulate her creative side. Whether it’s to express the interesting aspects of a new environment, the culture shock and it’s invisible obstacles or the joyful bacchanal her soul would be dancing when the new impressions are overflowing her senses. These moments, are literally the best raw materials for any creative process and she was aware that these will enrich her life further and provide her a brand new perspective on the world.
A big, orange-coloured suitcase, a medium sized handbag, £2,500 in cash and an incredible amount of determination to succeed was travelling with her on that April afternoon. It wasn’t a short holiday but a well planned life changing decision to leave the well known behind for the hope of a better quality of life. She knew that whatever happens in the future, she will cope and will always have a backup plan to return to her native country if things are not planning out well – and this safety net was sufficient for her over-analysing mind to not get into the worry cycle. Measuring herself in an environment where all she had was her intelligence to solve problems, was the highest form of personal development for her and this knowledge made it worthwhile to make the decision to leave the familiar behind. Being a risk averse soul, this was a very courageous decision. But the existence of a back up plan made the journey lighter which took away most of the fear that usually accompanies any major life-changing situation.
Living in another country she quickly realised that while we pick up new habits and create new boundaries, some aspects of our lives remain the same: our inner barriers, the never learnt lessons, the seemingly insurmountable obstacles we are carrying with ourselves to everywhere. Chances are these challenges will not break the surface immediately in a brand new environment, but once the newly experienced world becomes our new comfort zone, we will soon face everything that we have not solved in the past.
As Steve Jobs said, ‘you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards’- and while we can label life experiences as ‘bad’ in the moment when something outrageous is happening to us, looking backwards it can be evaluated as a blessing in disguise. As unbearable as it may seem to deal with a not-so-easy life situation, it can have a profound meaning if we are flexible enough to analyse the scenario and take away the most important lessons from it.
That young woman on the plane back in 2012 was me. If I follow Steve Jobs’ advice and connect the dots looking backwards, I can confidently say that this adventure was the best decision of my life despite all the challenges I experienced in my path. Met a lot of wonderful people who genuinely fostered my growth in one way or another and will forever be grateful for all the things I have learnt in the United Kingdom (including the difficult lessons). I am also grateful for all the closed doors that never opened to me during my time here as these events have diverted me to a more suitable and enjoyable path in both my private and professional life. Looking forward for all the new experiences this country can offer in the next decades!
In England, there is a commonly used phrase, ‘beat about the bush’ which literally means ‘avoiding the main topic’. However, there is a more accurate expression which explains its historical origin:
“The likely origin of the phrase, ‘beat around the bush’, is derived from early hunting techniques in which unarmed men would walk around the forest beating tree branches and making noise, so as to flush the game from the bush. This allowed the hunters to avoid directly approaching the animals. This technique was most often used in boar and bird hunting and was done as a safety measure due to the razor tusks and the likelihood of a boar charging a hunter. In bird hunting, this was to scare the birds from their cover so that hunters could take them easily. It is possible that the phrase is a shortened version of an old phrase, ‘to beat the bushes for’, which meant someone was seeking something with little effort.”
So it was indeed a kind of preparation for hunters to be secured and felt ready before they start pursuing their goals with not so much effort. Have a look at the bold words. What do you think, what do these words have in common? Yes, they all refer to the attributes of our comfort zones.
Being inside our comfort zone basically means that we don’t need to do so much effort to function in a way as we got used to. We can choose the easiest ways in our lives just to reduce the anxiety which is an inseparable part of building a new coping mechanism, called a habit. This habit is an automated response which we are not really aware of as we have been continuously practicing it for so long without any concentration. And as we always act in the same ways, our next reaction for a similar situation will remain consistent to our learnt behaviour. Breaking an automated habit is stressful but is a must to expand our personal boundaries. Truth is, there are one time actions when we finally gather all of our courage and step out of our prison door. It does, however, not mean that our personal boundaries have been successfully expanded as the ‘beat about the bush effect’ is still part of our personality. That is in fact the chief culprit of not being successful in creating a more productive place as we are still not able to lower the limiting effect of our avoiding personality trait.
Avoidance is a really interesting concept: it basically gives the comfort of defence from a particular negative outcome that would be a potential result of stepping out of our rusty cage. To judge how rusty that cage we have, I have the below question for you:
When was the last time you have learned something new and practiced it long enough to successfully become a new habit?
If the answer to this is: long ago, you may need a serious comfort zone reevaluation. It may look like you are defending yourself from serious consequences with not trying anything new but this in fact hindering your progress in life and so has a limiting effect. This is applicable to relationships as well – the more avoidant you are, the less chance you can form deep and meaningful relationships.
We all gradually need to learn new habits that would expand our current limits. We must tolerate the discomfort for a certain amount of time while a new activity becomes a habit, the uncomfortable feelings are not something that we can escape. The more we allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable, the quicker it will be to form new habits that would become an automatic action and no longer cause us fear.
There is no way to feel 100% ready to do something – we can sacrifice great opportunities if we wait for the perfect moment that will never come. But if we embrace our imperfections and act in spite of our vulnerability, we can achieve the most remarkable things life can offer.
Outside the bud 